Merry Christmas

Gracie does not enjoy her Mrs. Paws outfit and her papa thinks it is mean, but every kitten should be dressed in Santa gear for some pics, right?

I hope everyone had a great Christmas that didn't involve driving and traffic and family family drama. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a drunken bar brawl. I actually managed to have zero traffic and a nice family visit for Christmas.

Well that was lame...

Company X had their big holiday bash on Thursday night. What a waste of time and money! 3 parties ago, the food was actually good. Then they moved the party to a different location last year and the food was barely edible. They had the same location this year and supposedly new catering. The food was on par with the stuff you would buy at Costco and pop in the oven. They had huge lines of people waiting at each station as usual. So, you would wait in line forever, get a sampling of whatever was in that section, take a bite of each, decide it wasn't worth the calories and move on to the next line. Even the desserts sucked. They also do not serve liquor, which makes it a total loss. You can only drink so much shitty wine with crappy food before you want to puke. The thing that really gets me is how much people talk up this party. They act like it is the most amazing display ever. Either they have never been anywhere else, or it proves my point further that I do not belong working with these people. One of these things is not like the others... Anyway, so many people were talking about how fantastic the party was. I found it to be a waste of perfectly good makeup and heels. The one good thing was that I didn't run into any of the dipshits on my team, so that was good. Needless to say, I'm not going back to Company X's next extravaganza. I would prefer that they just took the money and gave us the cash equivalent. Even if it ended up being $20 each, that would be better than the party. My mom's work gives them a grocery store gift card. I'd be happy with that. Then I could buy some food and make something that didn't taste like shit. They could also just take the money and donate it to charity. Basically anything would be better than their lame ass parties. Now my old company, they knew how to throw a holiday party. That is probably why they are not in business anymore.

Another career field that requires zero intellect

Selling cars...When you set out to buy a car, you do your homework. You research online. You build what you want, price it out and find out the "invoice" price. Then you find a place that has the car you want and you keep looking until you find one that gives you the price you expect to pay. The sales folks really serve almost no purpose anymore other than handing you the keys for the test drive. They must sense that they are of almost no importance in your transaction/decision because they say the most idiotic things trying to determine what your trigger points are. They don't even bother to learn the features of the car they are trying to sell. They don't know how to use the features and you have to learn them on your own. If you are selling a car with voice activated navigation, then why don't you know what the commands are for it? They are so proud of their stupid key rings though and also be sure to give them 5s on the survey that comes in the mail so they don't get fired. Please do not buy a car from the Honda dealership in Tysons. My sales guy was not so bad, but the level of professionalism of that place is so low. Aside from it being the absolute longest time I have ever had to spend to complete a car purchase, people were not knowledgeable, two managers got into a big argument right in front of customers, the finance manager was a complete idiot - made a point of checking his personal email in front of me after I had been there for 5 hours, on top of everything they had given me the wrong VIN number, so I had to redo all of the paperwork again on another day and also had to get a new insurance policy. I don't know why I am surprised that people are so inadequate at their jobs. This is the norm these days.

This is our kitchen...We call it the Japan room!

So, much to our delight, we have to buy new kitchen cabinets. This is a line of work that I think everyone should get into. Mainly because there is zero rhyme or reason into pricing, no control to speak of, and a completely ignorant customer base! Seriously, why aren't more people doing this? Thanks to this unexpected $20K expense, we will no longer be going to Japan this spring. YAY!

It has been awhile

I have been trapped under something heavy. I have been studying for a certification that I don't think I want and I still have another month or so to go. My review class is now over, which is good and bad. On one hand, I don't have to sit in class on Monday and Wednesday nights. On the other hand, I don't have any structure keeping me on schedule for reading. Studying is ruining my life. I have devoted basically every bit of "free" time to studying since the end of September and I think I have maybe about a 25% chance of passing. Yippee! Another couple of months before I get what was life back.

Thank God Tomorrow is Election Day

I really don't think I can handle one more political ad or one more random stranger knocking on our door demanding to know who we are voting for and why. Even if I was somehow part of this insane population of people who are still "undecided," what makes you think that your annoying presence and the other 7 knocks at my door on a Sunday are going to change my mind?? If anything, it would make me hate the candidate you are supporting for allowing people like you to hassle me.

Here is a great quote about the "undecided" voter:

"I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it? To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."
- Author David Sedaris, on undecided voters


I am going to put a sign on the door today that says Do NOT knock on this door unless:
You are delivering a package that I have requested.
You are handing me money.
You are an invited guest.

If you do not meet the above criteria, you are hindering the chances of your chosen candidate winning.

Thank you and have a nice day!

Kitten Nazi Update

We took one of the Kitten Nazi's advice. She told us given our "situation" which basically made us unworthy of adopting a kitten that we should just forget about the rescue organizations and go to a shelter where they kill them anyway and they might not have the same standards.

So we went to Loudoun County animal shelter and found our kitty. The problem was that we had to wait for the kitty to weigh 2 pounds before we could adopt her. They will only adopt pets in VA that have been spayed or neutered and the doctors won't do that until they are 2lbs. So, we wait. Apparently it takes a long freaking time for a cat to gain a pound. But, we finally have our kitty at home. She is very cute and also a little shit. Based on our couple of weeks with her, we feel even more comfortable with our decision to not have kids.

Why yes, I would LOVE to get another cert...

Why is it that employers have this great way of getting you to do things that you have no interest in doing? More importantly, why is it that we allow this to happen? A few extra nickels come review time? So, I am currently attending a review course on Monday and Wednesday evenings from 6-9:30 (which never ends on time). I remember how I maintained this schedule just fine in graduate school, but somehow it is so much more difficult for me now. I guess I'm just old. Or perhaps it is because I actually was interested in my graduate degrees and not interested in being a CISSP.

If you could pick one certification that is not for me, it is this one. I should not be getting this certification. I am not a technical expert and I should not be pretending to be one. If by some stroke of luck, I actually pass this exam, it is further proof that certifications are a crock of shit. They mean nothing other than anyone that is willing to give up their life for 4 months can get this cert.

I spend basically every waking hour reading this awful book to prepare for this test and know just about 1% more than I did before I gave up what tiny amount of my life actually exists.

So, I ask again, why do we do this stuff to ourselves? Why would I kill myself for a certification that I do not even want that is only marketable in a career field that I already know I don't want to be in? I am clearly an idiot.

The land where everyone went to breed...

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know how much I adore children! You also know that the community that we call home is the land where everyone went to breed. I've often talked about the level of tolerance required to get through each day thanks to your delightful children.

Well, something wonderful happened! Or so I thought. An actual bar opened up in suburbialand. A sports bar to be exact - complete with a former Redskin coach as an owner. I've been wanting to stop by for a few weeks since it opened and just haven't had the opportunity. This past Friday afternoon I thought would be a great day for some cocktails and I did not feel like cooking. So we head to the sports bar. It is about 7 pm and I'm expecting to see a happy hour leftover crowd. We go in and get a table. We see a family with about 3 kids sitting in the big booth beside us. I'm thinking wow that is weird, I don't think I'd be bringing my kids to a bar no matter how early it is. The parents are pounding beers and the kids are being so loud. Then another table comes in. A few more kids. Another. Then another. Baby seats, booster seats, high chairs???? WTF??? This is a damn sports bar. I begin counting the little bastards. Through the time that I had two drinks and an appetizer, there were EIGHTEEN FUCKING CHILDREN in a bar. The waiter was not very attentive to us because he was running back and forth filling fucking sippy cups the entire time. When he stopped by our table, I said we've never been here before, is it always like a damn day care in here?? He said pretty much. I said I guess paying customers are paying customers. He said oh yeah those kids meals really add up on the checks. I said I was expecting more of a happy hour crowd and he said not so much. I said what everyone picks up their brats from day care and thinks I know let's all head on over to the sports bar for dinner? He said yeah that is what it seems like. Oh and if that isn't bad enough, they put a baby changing station in the bathroom. You really should not put the word bar in the name of your establishment if it isn't in fact a bar.

So, it isn't bad enough that you and your fucking kids have ruined the bike trail, every single shopping experience that I have to endure, the post office, every other restaurant in the area, and the movies (even an R-rated movie at the latest showing). Now I can't even go to a fucking sports BAR to have a couple of drinks without it being day care??

Don't even bother giving me the song and dance where just because you made the decision to breed doesn't mean that you have to give up your life. That is precisely what having a child means. It means that life as you know it for the foreseeable future is done. If you want to pretend to have some normalcy, have date nights and swap nights with some friends who have made the decision to end their lives as they know it also.

Seriously, you are not doing your brat any favors by making them think they are entitled to take over everything. This is just not how the world works.

Kitten Nazis

Seinfeld should have done a show on Kitten Nazis. You would think that adopting a kitten would be a simple enough thing, right? Wrong. I'm not sure where or how one would buy crack, but I'm positive that I could've gotten some faster than we have been able to adopt a kitten.

First of all, these animals have been taken from the high kill shelters by the rescue organizations. They advertise that they are overflowing with kittens and need help. Seems simple enough. We can provide a good home, they have kittens that need homes. However, if you look into the adoption process, you will be shocked at the level of scrutiny that they put into placing these animals that would have been otherwise euthanized. Not only are most of the applications 4 or 5 pages long, but they do things like phone interviews, then a face to face interview and then a home visit. They ask for income information. However, if you work, they don't want to adopt to you. Where would the income be coming from then if I didn't work???If you own your home, they want to see your deed (WTF??). If you have an HOA, they want to see the HOA documents. I've never even seen my HOA documents, what makes them think they need to see them.

Then, if you get by all of this BS, then they inform you that they will not adopt a single kitten. You must take 2 unless you have another cat in the house under 6 months old. If you protest, they email or give you a packet of information that basically tells you that you are the root of all evil because you ever considered getting a single kitten. You will make them depressed and suicidal, aggressive and destroy your home. Forget about the fact that all of the cats you have ever had were raised as a single kitten and everyone else in your family's was as well. You must be lying about them all being well adjusted. In actuality, you came home one day and your kitten had stabbed itself in the chest because it just couldn't take it anymore without another member of the litter. I guess the part where the cat you currently have hating the new kitten is not important to them.

So for the 3rd weekend in a row we have gone to the pet adoption fairs in NOVA and still don't have a kitten. We went to one in Falls Church this past weekend and I had asked all of the questions that I needed to prior to driving all the way there to rule out the Kitten Nazis and found one that did same day pet adoptions. However, once again we are told No kitten for you! Right at that exact same time, these two dipshit college looking girls were walking out with one. They reeked of smoke and were pounding Red Bull. Yeah, these people are just the type to provide a stable, healthy environment for pets. The cat will have lung cancer and then get dumped off when they move to another apartment and can't have a pet. That would be much better for the animal.

What the fuck is wrong with society?

I have discovered what the most annoying sound in the world is

I worked from home today to waste my day waiting on the 4th visit from the washing machine repair guy. This allowed me the great opportunity to catch up on random TV and watch the daytime talk shows. On the Rachel Ray show today was Bindi Irwin, daughter of Steve Irwin. Rachel Ray has one of the most annoying speaking styles on television. Combine that with Bindi and her obnoxious, forced enthusiasm and your ears may bleed. Each segment was just watching them yell louder and louder over each other and flapping their arms. I wanted to turn it off, but I just couldn't stop watching. I can't wait until Bindi hits her drug phase like all other child stars. It might calm her ass down.

Thank you, WVU

Thank you so much for completely ruining the one thing that I was actually looking forward to this fall. You guys fucking suck. I'm trying to be more positive so I guess I should be thankful that you guys scored more than 3 points.

I'm not sure how much more I can hate computers

How many hard drives can you have crash before your company gives you a new fucking computer? Well I can tell you how many it isn't... THREE! How is it possible to be on the 3rd hard drive within 6 weeks and no one will give you a new computer? I'll tell you how it is possible. It is possible because we don't even have office supplies, why would anyone buy me a new laptop? Yeah this is one of the TOP COMPANIES TO WORK FOR!!

I wish I had kept a freaking log of just how many hours I have wasted on the phone or in the offices of the Help Desk since becoming employed here. Then I could multiply that by my bill rate and put it in a fucking report and show my senior management what a colossal waste of my fucking life, their resources and loss of profits that this piece of shit laptop causes!!

I want to work for Maytag

So I only do laundry maybe every 3rd weekend. Laundry is not enjoyable so I figure why not just ruin one solid day instead of breaking up the displeasure each week. I decided to do laundry one weekend after not having done any for about a month. I turn on the washing machine on "cold/cold" and nothing but scalding hot water comes out. Hmmmm.... Do I just risk shrinking the clothes or wait? I call Maytag since of course we pay for the extended warranty. They get me a really quick service appointment for 8 days later. Then they show up during their 8-4 window and say that a part needs to be ordered. Since I explained exactly what was wrong on the phone, don't you think that the part could have already been ordered prior to your arriving. How many things could cause boiling water to come out of your machine? Much to my joy, the part has to be ordered and shipped to the house (they guarantee this to occur within 14 business days - how freaking convenient). When the part arrives, I'm instructed to call them again and make a service appointment. 9 days later I get the part and make the call and have an appointment for another week after that. The guy shows up, replaces the part and joy the washer is putting out cold water.

I put in a load of desperately needed things and wash about 3 loads before I'm getting burned by the water again. So I immediately call Maytag and say the guy left a couple of hours ago and he is probably still in the area. Can't they radio him and let him know that he needs to come back and order something else? No, of course not. So, I explain that if I have to wait for a 3rd service call that all they are going to do is say they need another part and then the whole process begins again. She says that there is no way to order a part without a service call as the driver. WTF.

So I wait around all day again yesterday for a guy to come and say another part needs to be ordered. But, I guess I need to look at the bright side where it will be on my doorstep guaranteed within 14 days. Awesome.

I just love how there are so many people that have you by the balls on a daily basis and there is not one thing you can do about it except sit around commando since you haven't been able to wash your underwear for 2 months.

We're going to go out to lunch...

Just the type of email that you love to get. A calendar invite from your boss telling you to block 2.5 hours out of your day for "lunch." Who wants to have lunch for that long with someone they can barely tolerate? Not me. I say, well I don't know if I really have time in my schedule to take that long due to a client commitment. How about an hour? He says, block the time out of your schedule. We are going. Goodie. So, I'm thinking that this meal better be on Company X because I do not want to pay for this enjoyable afternoon. (Company X doesn't spend money on anything as you can see if you check out our supply cabinet on an old post)

So guess where we go to lunch? Not Morton's or even the freaking Cheesecake Factory. No, we go to Olive Garden. Not that there's anything wrong with Olive Garden, Kendra. But, if I'm going to have to sit through this, I should at least get a decent meal out of it.

Much to my delight, lunch was 3.5 hours, not 2.5 hours. Yipee.

Great school is back in

Normally I would think it was a good thing to get your little brats back in school instead of running amuck in my neighborhood all day unattended. However, this all changes when I'm driving to work in the morning. I already leave at 6, so there really isn't a big chance that I'm going to get out of the house any sooner. Thankfully, there is even more traffic now and my nice 45 minutes to go 13 miles has now increased to an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes. Fantastic! Just another reason to dislike kids...

Haha ACC sucks

I love how the ACC is supposedly this awesome football conference. Real funny when the only team you have on the top 25 is freaking Wake Forest! ACC sucks!


Update: WVU, YOU SUCK!!!

Reply to All

Stop fucking replying to all. No one thinks your opinion matters so much that the entire email group wants to see your opinion. What I have to say is soooo informed, interesting and important that I bet every person (hundreds, thousands) on this group wants to see what I have to say too! I can't take it anymore.

Yes, I was right I don't like you

Here at Company X, we have alot of corporate douchebag types. You get pretty used to them after awhile, but you don't start to like them. There is someone in Senior Management that I don't like. No one on their team likes them and they have alot of turnover. One of the joys of my life is that they have alot of people on their team that ping me for questions all week long. Instead of just compiling a bunch of issues at once and letting me go through, I get 10 or so emails a day that are "high priority" and need an immediate answer. So, when these folks get answers they don't like, they keep escalating it. So an entire month rolls by and the Senior Manager now needs me to clarify a few things that have been escalated. I get a call in the evening hours, which I of course do not answer. Then another call at 7 am regarding a meeting that I do not know about at 8 am.

Senior Manager: Hi, I just want to touch base with you prior to the meeting to make sure we are on the same page....

Me: I'm not aware of the meeting you are referring to.

Senior Manager in annoyed tone: Uhhhh the meeting about such and such about such and such for the item that is due on Monday that takes weeks to complete

Me: Sorry I must not have been included in any of those communications.

Senior Manager: Well, my entire team has been working on this stuff for an entire month and we need x, y, z from you

Me: That is why I answered x, y, and z all month long in various email chains and made sure to cc you on every communication so that you were aware that there were major flaws with the direction you were taking on this project

Senior Manager: Well, that is why I need to make sure we are on the same page before this meeting

Me: I don't see what the same page is when we have a fundamental difference of opinion of the situation and how to approach it

Senior Manager: I don't think you understand my perspective

Me: I completely understand your perspective and there are major reasons why the perspective is incorrect, which I pointed out and documented numerous times this month

Senior Manager: Yes, because you are not seeing my point of view

Me: Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I'm confused, it means that I don't agree

Senior Manager: We need to be a united front when we speak to the client

Me: I think we probably need to involve the folks from legal due to the conflict of interest with our competing organizations with this client

Senior Manager: OK well I'll just be on the call at 8. Thanks.

I hate this place. Just because we don't agree doesn't make someone wrong.

So you're an Independent????

Anyone who says this is an idiot in my opinion. Well, not says this, but votes this way. No matter who you are hoping wins the election this November, I can tell you who will not win. An independent. Don't start getting all I have the right to vote and I can vote for whomever I choose. It is my right. Blah blah blah. All that may be true, but the fact of the matter is that no one is going to win the election other than one of the two major tickets. So, by not voting for one of them or the other, you are actually creating more stupidity for this nation. By standing your ground and voting for the independent or the even more ridiculous write-in, you are actually in essence not deciding. So you might as well just pick which of the two candidates most closely matches things that are important to you and suck it up and vote for them. Otherwise, you are just taking votes away from someone who actually has a shot at becoming president.

Stop calling into CSPAN radio every morning and making me hate you on my way to work. Yes, I listen to CSPAN radio on my way to work because I'm old and a loser.

If you would like to educate yourself with some non-partisan information, here are two sites to waste time on while you are at your shitty desk job... http://politifact.com/truth-o-meter/ and http://factcheck.org/ .

My headlight is out

So, I get a call from my husband on the way to work this morning. Did you know your headlight was out? No, I didn't know this. My mom, on the other line says, how could you not know your headlight was out? Does everyone turn on their headlights and walk to the front of their car to check and see if they are both lit before they drive somewhere each day? I could see if I parked in a garage or something and could see the lights shining on the wall when I leave each day, but I don't. My lights shine onto open street. So she says that I should start checking them every day. OK. I'll do that.

I'm sick

Why is it that when people find out you are sick they say, did you go to the doctor? I just got sick yesterday, what is it that you think the doctor is going to do? If I had gone to the doctor yesterday, he would say go back home and if you are still sick in 7-10 days then come back. If you do not have signs of infection like a fever or green snot, then there really isn't anything that a doctor can do for you. I know this from going to the doctor every time I'm sick and them never giving me anything to make me feel better because I don't have any signs of infection leading them to believe I need an antibiotic. Sometimes you are just sick. Sometimes when you spend 20 hours in recycled air in airports and airplanes, you catch whatever disgusting germs were floating around in there and they make you sick. I'm a snot factory! I want to go home. If my computer had been functioning all this time then I would have my work done and would actually be able to take off when I'm sick!

I HATE Computers!

There really isn't much else to say other than I freaking hate computers!! How is it that I work for this supposed tech powerhouse of a company and I cannot have a fully functioning computer back in over a freaking week???? I hate this place!

Just back it up

Famous words from anyone hearing that your hard drive has crashed. Well, you backed up, right? Let's back up to when I started working as a corporate whore at this shitty company. Someone, and I'm not sure who, but someone told me that everything in your "my documents" folder is backed up each time you log off the network. Apparently this is a lie. Apparently I just made this up. So I have been diligently making sure all of my files are in "my documents" for two and a half years for no reason whatsoever. So, then everyone wants to say well why aren't you using some program that I have never heard of. Well, because I don't know what you are talking about. How can you not know what I'm talking about when it pops up every day? Well, if it popped up every day, don't you think I would know what you are talking about? Well, we got that email about it. Well, call off the dogs, if we got an email about it, I MUST know about it then. Because I pay close attention to all 100 of the automatically generated stupid fucking emails that come through my inbox every day. If it was something so important, then why wouldn't an action be sent from someone in our senior management chain telling us to do it? We get emails from them telling us to go to their stupid "fun" committee activities. Ice cream and Wii, you gotta know about that....organization-wide tool for backing up, learn about that on the street.

Is my stuff backed up? Yes, to a point. But, who backs up every freaking day or even week? Maybe up through a couple of months ago and that's about it. If you say you back up every day, I will call you a liar to your face!

United SUCKS

We booked a flight to go visit some family. We had gotten a good deal, which is why we decided to go. Our flight was at about 8 in the morning and we were set to arrive to our destination by 9:15. We head to the airport at about 6:15 in the morning and all things are looking good. We check in. Security line wasn't too bad other than some racist hick behind us in line talking about racial profiling. We head to our gate and the flight departures screen says we are "on time." Joy. While sitting there waiting to board, the woman at the gate starts making announcements that the flight is oversold and anyone with seats can volunteer to give up their seat for a free flight. We decide not to take it. Then the time has passed to start boarding and she tells us that there are mechanical issues and the flight will be delayed for 15 minutes or so. 15 minutes later she tells us that the issue is with the pilot's chair being broken and we'll just be delayed for a little while longer. This continues for a couple of hours then they tell us that the flight is cancelled. Yay. They tell us to go to customer service to find another flight. Of course everyone mobs customer service and when we finally get to someone, we are informed that all of the other flights are booked also. We will no longer be able to get a direct flight and now we will have to route through Philly and won't arrive until 6:30 pm. Well this sucks, but whatever. So we go rush to the gate for this next flight, which is of course a shuttle ride and the polar opposite of where we are currently standing. The fantastic news is that our bags will be going on the next flight and be sitting at the airport in Albany until we arrive.

We finally get to our next gate and are told that this flight is too oversold and while we have been "confirmed" for this flight, we do not have a seat assignment. This means that people will have to sell their seats in order for us to get on. The woman at the gate tells us that she has no idea why we were even put on this flight because there are flights out of Reagan which are direct flights and get us there earlier than this flight. So she tells us if we want one of those flights, we can get a taxi voucher and a free flight voucher. We say sure. The catch is that we have to wait until this flight is closed for her to do it. So we wait. We wait with 4 people from Spain that do not speak English and do not understand why they weren't allowed on the plane and are screaming at this woman while she is trying to make our arrangements. We kept trying to find someone to help these poor people and I do not know enough Spanish to explain oversold flights and re-routing. I never thought I would see the day when you couldn't find a Spanish speaking person in DC.

The flight attendant finally gets everything done and it takes her over an hour. We race to the complete other side of the airport to get a taxi and head from Dulles to Reagan. We arrive and go to check in and are told that the 3:12 flight is fully booked and we are not booked on that flight. We are booked on the 9:20pm flight. Awesome! So now we were 10 minutes from our house before and could've just gone home, but now we are down in DC and there is no way we are going to leave and come back. Now we get to spend 6 fabulous hours in the airport. We head to a restaurant. Get some cocktails. Buy my husband a sweater because he is freezing. Buy a phone charger because ours were checked and now we have no way to communicate with the people that are waiting to pick us up at the airport. Buy toothbrushes and toothpaste. Buy a book for entertainment. Buy new headphones for my ipod. I think we've spent a good couple hundred dollars and haven't even left the airport yet.

The time finally arrives for our 9:20 flight. We are actually boarding!! We call our rides and tell them. We get on the plane. The plane starts moving. I'm delighted. They come on and tell us they haven't been cleared for take off. We wait. We wait some more. We wait in the plane for an hour and a fucking half! By the time we actually arrive at our destination, it is after midnight. Then our bags are of course locked in the United room where no United workers are. The number on the door of course calls to India and we cannot find anyone who works for the airport anywhere. We are walking around trying to find anyone who can help. About 45 minutes later, someone finally lets us in. We have an hour and a half drive to get to the place we are staying. We finally get there at about 2 am.

20 hours for an hour and 15 minute flight. This kind of shit only happens in my life. The great news is we have a free flight for United and get to do this all over again sometime in the next year.

Update: My horoscope the day before we left...
If you have any upcoming travel plans, make sure that you have all the details finalized, today. Confirm dates and locations, double check routes and travel times. There could be a change that causes you to rethink one aspect of your trip. You can't take anything for granted.

I shall start planning my entire life around my daily horoscope.

Why do you do that?

This is a great question that I love to hear when bitching about my commute. I was recently telling a friend that is not local that I leave for work by 6 every morning to get to work by 7. They just found this insane, as most other people do that don't live around here. Yes, I leave by 6 am and it takes me almost an hour to get 12 miles. This is for sure the most awesome start to any morning. Everyone should be so lucky. I recommend that everyone move to the DC area so that your days will be filled with sunshine just like mine. But, the question always asked is an interesting one. "Why do you do that?" Why do we do this? Why do we put ourselves through the crap that we do just to maintain in this area? Do we have higher salaries, sure, but are we getting ahead? Not really. We have access to more "stuff" but when do we ever do any of it? Most of us are so drained from our work lives, commutes, etc. that we are just happy to have an evening to sit on the couch and do nothing. By the time you get home on weeknights you basically have just enough time to eat, clean up, catch up on all the work emails that you didn't have time to do, and go to bed to prepare for another day of fun. Weekends are full of doing all the shit that piles up all week that you don't have time to do. Laundry, grocery shopping, dry cleaning, post office, cleaning the house, etc. I don't even have freaking kids. I can't imagine what that would do to your life. Maybe by some stroke of luck you find the time to hang out with some family or friends for a few hours and that is your life in a nutshell. So, I get back to my friend's question, why do we do this?

Remind me why it is better to buy?

So we bought our townhouse almost two years ago. We bought at a time that was supposedly "good" to buy. However, no one could've called how much the housing market was going to tank after that. Let's put the fact that it is "normal" in this area to spend $400-500K on a freaking townhouse to begin with aside for a moment. Since purchasing our townhouse, which we bought slightly under the appraised value, our house value has dropped $75K and our land value has increased $25K. This means that we have a total loss of $50K so far. Given that our $3300/month payments are mostly interest since we have only had it for less than two years, we now owe more than it is worth. Awesome! This means our plan of living there for 3-5 years is now shot. I'm so thrilled that I get to live in this area even longer! Yay!

The media would have you believe that the rates are so low right now and with all of the foreclosures that the mortgage companies are doing whatever they can to help people out. Since we have one of those stupid hybrid loans, I decide I'm going to call the mortgage company to try to figure out how to refinance the house. Apparently refinancing the house is not as simple as you might think. In order to refinance your place, you can only refinance 90% of the home's value. Would you like to know how the "home's value" is calculated? Not by your shitty county property assessed value, no that would make too much sense. It is based on the 90 day average of comparable home sales in your neighborhood! Which at the present time are $100K or or more below what we paid! Fan-fucking-tastic! So, in order to refinance, you have to pay the other "value" in the house, what is left on the loan between the difference of the two, plus closing costs. So if you want to refinance your overpriced townhouse, be prepared to pull $50 or 60K out of your pocket to do so. Since you have been paying out the ass for everything else, I'm sure you have that kind of cash laying around to do it with too.

I hate this area.

No, we are not going to be friends

I really hate it when you are introduced to someone at work and the person in common says "oh my god I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. You guys will really hit it off. You should hang out!" This only makes me instantly dislike this person. I really don't know why, but it is just how it happens. Then once you get to know the person you wonder, what reason could their possibly be that anyone would think I would "hit it off" with this individual? They are wretched. So I guess that means that I am viewed as wretched by this person? So now I have to be pretend friends with this person because someone in senior management thought we should be BFFs and put us on the same project? I hate this freaking place.

Update: Apparently everyone hates this person and it is not just me.

Fun?

Just like any other corporate gig, there are always events planned to network and socialize and team build. The problem is that they are created by committees of idiots. The latest stupidity by the "Fun Committee" is an Ice Cream/Wii social. Isn't the point of a "Fun Committee" to plan things that are actually fun. I guess it really wouldn't matter what they planned anyway because I would have to actually want to spend time with anyone here for it to actually be fun anyway. So, when the Fun Committee plans a giving away cash party, I guess I'll attend. Otherwise, spending more time with you people is not fun.

Why would you let your kid get so fat?

The people at the end of the row of townhouses perpendicular to our row are idiots. The husband is the size of Jabba the Hut and this wouldn't really bother me as much if he was just fat and not also annoying. Then they have a child who is probably about 7 or 8 and I'd say he weighs in around 140. He is morbidly obese just like daddy. So Jabba comes home for work every day and instead of parking and then walking across the street to the mailboxes, he drives to them. It is literally a total of maybe 12 steps from the end of his driveway to the mailboxes. So he drives up, blocking the entire entryway to the parking area for our row of townhouses. Then he turns around to pull into his own driveway. All while you are waiting to pull in. Then he looks at you like you are in his way.

So Jabba-in-training is now getting "exercise" every day. This consists of Jabba greasing his sides and smashing his fat ass into a lawn chair at the end of their driveway with a big gulp while Jabba Jr. whizzes back and forth on a mini motorcycle. He goes back and forth between their driveway and our driveway. There is no possible way to see this child on the motorbike when you are driving your car. So when you are backing out of the driveway or pulling in, he could be easily hit. So, you would think that Jabba would teach Jabba Jr. that cars can't see you so if you see a car, you need to stand up or get out of the way. But, this would make too much sense. So now, Jabba sits a giant orange sign at the end of their driveway that says "children at play." Since it is a blind turn to get into the road, there is absolutely no way to see the sign until you have already turned into the road and see lard ass perched there.

The thing that the worst is that if I were to hit this little brat, it would be my fault. My fault. Even though they are killing the kid with food and not forcing the porker to ride an actual real bike to burn calories. I would be sued for killing the kid. What is wrong with society?

Dipshits come in all shapes and sizes

So I have a new coworker who seems to be a nice person and is very enthusiastic about coming to this company to be a corporate whore. On the surface, it would seem to be a great addition to the team. Work output has proven otherwise. However, this isn't where they become a dipshit. There was a five minute random discussion one day regarding cell phones and the fact that most people don't really have land lines anymore. New person says well, we have Vonage at our house and we have been really pleased with it. But, the problem is that he pronounces Vonage "vough nahzge" instead of Von ij. They don't just say it this once, but 6 times within a few sentences. I'm having a hard time making eye contact with this person when they keep repeating this word incorrectly over and over. I'm trying to figure out why they have heard the commercials for Vonage a ton of times and have heard how it is pronounced, yet feel compelled to change it to something else. As if their branding of Vonage is better than their own or something. Does it make them feel fancier to call it that? Because they are getting such inexpensive phone service, do they want to make sure you still know they can afford something much pricier?

It probably has nothing to do with anything other than it is just another dipshit in my day.

Well this really makes alot of sense...

I read an article yesterday that said:

"Billionaires Bill Gates and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced on Wednesday that they would pool their resources and dedicate $500 million to stop people around the world from smoking. The World Health Organization estimates that tobacco will kill up to a billion people in the 21st century, 10 times as many as it killed in the 20th."


WTF??? This kind of crap just really pisses me off. Last time I checked smoking was a choice. People know the risks of smoking and choose to do it anyway. So why the hell do these two think that the best thing to do with 500 MILLION DOLLARS is to put money into helping stop people from smoking? How about putting $500M into things that kill millions of people that don't have a choice? How about putting it into our education system or programs to eliminate poverty or incurable disease research???

Isn't smoking kind of like hunting? Hunting is necessary for animal population control. What are we supposed to do with the extra billion people? Haha.

I know Bill Gates gives alot of money to good causes, but this is really freaking stupid.

Just do what you love?

How many people do you know that just "do what they love?" Why do people say this? What are they basing this on? You and everyone you know might be able to think of about one person each (if that) that they know personally that really loves what they do. Otherwise, work is just what you do so that you can spend a minuscule amount of time doing something you actually do love. I always say you spend 90% of your time doing something you hate so that you can spend 10% of your time doing something you want to do. Work is a means to an end. Life is about managing priorities and your happiness isn't always the priority. Everyone knows this and accepts this for the most part. But, how is it that people still have this stupid idea that they advise you to do what you love and get paid for it??

So, I'm asking you to please let me know if you know how I can get paid to take vacations, eat, drink and spend time with my husband. Thanks.

This is Unacceptable

Living in the burbs, you have to get used to alot of things centering around children. I refer to our planned community as "the land where everyone went to breed." Anyway, as a couple without children, the amount of tolerance that one must have to get through a given day due to other's children is immeasurable. We go to the movies at 10 pm and it is daycare. Not preteens running around without supervision as you might expect. No, it is couples with their infants and toddlers all over the theater. The whole reason we went to see 300 at the latest show was to avoid your children, but rest assured, we are surrounded by toddlers. I was so excited when we purchased our townhouse because there are miles and miles of bike trails all around the community, however, no one can actually ride a bike on the bike trail because it is usually polluted with strollers, wagons, kids learning to ride bikes, etc. These are just two minor examples of the type of thing we deal with on a daily basis around here.

So, today I stopped at a store to pick up a couple of groceries. This is a very busy shopping area with a very dangerous parking lot. We have the typical stay at home mom with her giant SUV that barely fits in the parking space. She has the back of her vehicle opened and her 4 children are running all around. She is paying no attention whatsoever to 3 of the kids. I would say that the oldest child might be 4 at the most. I sort of look at her wondering why you would have these children anywhere other than inside of the car strapped in with this much traffic around. Well, it is because she has one of the rugrats on a potty on the ground of the parking lot. Yes, a potty. Why on Earth would this woman have her kid on a potty on the ground of a parking lot while letting her other kids dodge traffic? She is saying to the kid "how is your poopy coming." Are you freaking kidding me? I don't have kids so I'm not going to pretend I know about potty training. But, I have alot of kids in my family and have been a contributing member of society for quite some time. Never have I seen something this ridiculous. How about wearing some pull ups on your kid until he is a little better trained? What is wrong with this person? Is this now where society is headed? Do we get to look forward to pottys on the ground outside of everyone's car so we can watch Johnny go poopy in the parking lot? Your child has now learned that pulling out a potty to poop in a parking lot is acceptable. Congratulations.

This is just another glowing example of the collection of idiots I encounter on a daily basis. You are not doing your child any favors by making him think that his needs are greater than anyone else's in society. Sometimes you have to wait to take a shit and the earlier you learn that, the better off you will be.

Fat Nurse Strikes Again

So, when I got my allergy shots this past week, Fat Nurse was at it again. Always trying to solve the world's problems. Particularly my world. I have been getting two allergy shots a week for most of my life, starting at age 7 or 8. However, this is the first allergy doctors office which requires that you sit there wasting 30 minutes of your life after your injections. Wasting time is the thing that I hate the most, so having to do it weekly, held captive by Fat Nurse really upsets me.

So this week, Fat Nurse decides that I need a dog. Perhaps she forgot for a minute that she had just given me two allergy injections and thought that the absolute best thing for me to do is get a dog. Seems very logical and right in line with my health needs.

Fat Nurse: You know what you need? You need a dog. You know something to cuddle up with and love on ya.

Me: Ummm that is what I have my husband for.

Fat Nurse: Oh, you're a newlywed, that will change.

Me: Even so, why would I get a dog. 1) I'm allergic to dogs 2) If I wanted a dog, I would just have a kid 3) I live in a townhouse with no yard. I hate people that get animals and don't have a proper living arrangement to suit them. It is selfish and I wouldn't do that to a pet. 4) I'm not really a dog person, if I were going to get a pet, I would get a cat.

Fat Nurse: Well, you really should get a cat then.

Me: Well, we think about it sometimes, but I am allergic. Plus, we think about all the things cats do like scratch furniture, climb all over everything, get fur on your furniture, etc. and then we think maybe we only like the idea of a cat and we don't really want a cat.

Fat Nurse then decides to go into a 15 minute conversation about how her daddy taught her how to shoot a gun in their field in TN and she never felt as safe until she had her Chow. Went into detail about how she made her decision to get a Chow and all of the other wonderful things about owning a Chow. She did this all about 5 minutes before my 30 minute sentence was up. So, I stand up trying to make her check my arms so I could escape, but no, she just kept right on yapping.

Why do people think that they have a better idea about how you should be living your life than you do? I would never talk to someone and say, you really need a pet.

Fat Nurse is just a special type of person that I always say I won't let bother me, but she always strikes again.

No, we don't want to have kids...

At least not on purpose anyway. I mean, I love the kids of my family members or other people that I care about. But, no, we do not want our own. What is the deal with society? Why can't people just accept that not everyone wants to breed? There are already too many people in the world. Why do we HAVE to create more? What is the deal with people and their 4 kids lately? How irresponsible is that? If you think about the cycle of living and dying, why are you having more kids than what will replace the two people making them?

I've never wanted to have children. So, it is no real surprise to me that I still do not want to have them. "But, you're 34, isn't your clock ticking?" This is a favorite question from people. To which I respond, "I wasn't born with a clock." You would think that would be ok with people, but it isn't. They think that there is something wrong with you for not wanting children. Like you torture animals or something. Why can't I just be realistic and say there are certain things that I want for myself and having children doesn't fit into that equation? Then I get "well, you're going to change your mind and then it'll be too late." Well, let's just say hypothetically that I do change my mind. How about if I just adopt one of the millions of children that need a good home? So then I hear "well, you never wanted to get married either and look how that has turned out for you." As if that proves anything. I married my husband because I like him and I like spending time with him. I didn't marry him so I could spend all of my time taking care of a kid. Oh and my husband realizes that I can either take care of him or a baby and he votes for himself. He doesn't want kids either. My favorite is "oh just have one and you'll see how everything changes." What kind of advice is that? Just go ahead and have a lifelong drain on your finances and see how it goes??? Mmmmk. I love that whole "everything changes" comment. Well of course everything changes. It has to. What else are you going to do? Spend the rest of your life hating your child because they've ruined what used to be your life?

How about if I just realize that these are the things I like:

My husband
Vacations
Money
Leaving the house with just a purse in under 30 minutes
Cars that don't smell
Clean furniture
A clean house
Cursing
Watching what I want on tv

I could continue, but you get the idea. These are all things that kids do not go with. I know, then I will get the "good, I'm glad you aren't going to have kids. You don't belong around children." This is also not true. I'm a fantastic aunt, cousin, etc. I'd just rather come home to my nice clean house, lay on my nice clean furniture, plan my 3 week international trip and say the f word whenever I want. If I accidentally get knocked up, I'm sure I'll become a super, scrapbooking, soccer mom shoving photos of my kid in your face every chance that I get. But, until then, I'm going to enjoy peace and quiet.

Auto everything

I'm not sure what it is about the bathroom that brings me so much fascination and annoyance on a daily basis, but it is just one more place that is plotting against me all day. Filthiness aside, what is the deal with the automatic everything in the bathrooms? This wouldn't be such an issue if any of it worked properly. The automatic flusher for example. I think that the purpose is for water conservation. However, the toilet flushes about 3 times while you are hovering over the seat giving you a bidet-style ass splashing. But then when you are actually done, it won't flush. Then you have to figure out how to manually flush it and it is somehow never enough water to get the paper and seat cover down. So, two manual flushes are required. Now we are up to 5 flushes for something that is supposed to save water. Genius.

Then we have the automatic soap dispenser. Another good thought so you don't have to touch anything with your hands, but it never quite works. You need to walk to every single one in the row to find one that dispenses soap. You move to the sink with the automatic water sensor, which I assume is also for water conservation. This works fantastically well for water conservation because you can never get them to turn on. You stand in front of the sink moving, waving your hands in front of the sensor. Nothing. You look at the person next to you washing their hands, so what is wrong with you? Am I invisible or something? I'll try the next sink. Nothing. I'll wait until this person who clearly has a functioning sink is done and try theirs. Nothing. Let's go back to the first sink. This will continue until I can successfully wash my hands or just go ahead and slam my head against the wall.

I try to remind myself at moments like these that I should be thankful that I have clean, accessible water to wash my hands with at all. But, this feeling quickly fades and I bitch some more.

Getting soft

So, yesterday I spent the day at a conference of sorts in DC. This conference attendance is bittersweet. On one hand, I get to be out of my office with my husband (who was also in attendance), which makes me ecstatically happy. On the other hand, I have to listen to people talk about things that I don't care about, so that I can become more aware of "current best practices" for a career that I'm not interested in. This makes me depressed because it is taking my life and coloring it with a giant pink hilighter...you need a new career! I'm stuck for the time being doing something I hate. The day was one full of conflicting emotions.

When I first moved to the DC metro area, I lived on the metro line and worked in DC. I had this happy existence where I walked to the metro, rode downtown reading my paper and then walked to my office. I quickly fell into that zone that was so foreign when I first moved here. The one where people around you become invisible and the only focus is the path from point A to B as quickly as possible. I never drove anywhere. Then I changed companies to a location where there is not a metro. The place is in the giant cluster fuck known as Tyson's corner. So now, I learned the wonderful charms of 495 and began to understand the colossal waste of time that is the DC area commute. At least on the metro, you could get some work done, read a book, listen to your ipod and make some productive use of your time. Instead now you just sit. For. Hours. Hours upon hours each week that you will never get back. Ever. Time away from loved ones or hobbies or anything else that might actually be enjoyable.

Anyway, now we live in the truest definition of the suburbs. While it is only around 15 miles from DC, it might as well be one million. People act like they need a weekend off to come visit and we don't go to DC unless something of major importance is happening. Although I still spend plenty of time in traffic, it is a better commute than my prior location. But, I often talk about how much I miss the metro commute. I joke about how it makes you tougher. A survivor.

Yesterday, I was so excited to drive 45 minutes in traffic to park at the metro, so I could ride into DC. I could read the express and walk in flip flops and have my heels in my bag. Listen to my ipod. Be downtown and people watch. All good things. But, what I learned is that I've been weakened by my air-conditioned world of car-parking garage-office cycle. My eyes were once again opened by homeless people that used to be invisible. I heard that 3 people were shot at 1:00 in the afternoon at a metro stop yesterday. The old me would not have been phased by that information. Now, I was consumed by the what ifs. What if that had happened in Chinatown where I was? It could just as easily have happened there.

I guess I'm getting soft.

Door Holding

This should seem like something that would be a nicety in your daily grind, however, it is no shock that this is another source of annoyance in my day.

I really think that it is fine and polite to hold the door for someone. I do this anytime someone is coming behind me. However, I really think there should be a standard for the distance that someone is away from you before this is necessary. 3 feet maybe? My point is, that if I am 15 or more feet away from the door, then please just keep walking. Otherwise, I then feel compelled to change my pace to "hurry up" so that you are not standing there regretting that you had tried to be nice by holding the door for me. Really, I do not need to get into this building any faster than necessary. I would like to walk on autopilot in my half-awake state for as long as possible. I don't need people screwing that up with their niceness. I'll even wave and say "oh no, thank you, that's ok, you go ahead" and basically have to shout it because I'm still that far away. But, the individual says "oh no, that's ok."

So, then I have to hurry so they won't be as put out. Has anyone considered that when we think we are doing something to be helpful, we are actually just one more nuissance in a day already chalk full?

Is it so much to ask...

What is so hard about being an admin?

Is there something so wildly confusing and complicated about ordering office supplies that I am just misinformed? Let's see, I have this cabinet full of supplies... I have X number of people that need supplies... I've been an admin on this floor for this particular team for about 6 years... The amount of supplies has dwindled over the course of several months until it is nearly empty. So, I wonder if there isn't some sort of way I would know how often to order supplies and how many supplies to order??? It isn't like the dumb bitch has to pay for them out of her own pocket. She can probably set up a recurring quarterly order and not even worry about it ever again. But, I guess that would make too much sense. It is better to just leave 100 people with no supplies or printers that actually work or if they do work, then there is no paper to be found. No one would bother asking you about it because you are such a bitch that everyone is afraid of you. Maybe that is your plan.

I wonder how many times I have walked to the supply cabinet over the past 4 months to see that nothing new has appeared? I wonder how many more times I will walk to the cabinet before pens and folders are replenished? I wonder why I even give a shit? I could easily provide my own pens, but why should I?

Why can't people just do their jobs? The world would be a better place.

Birthdays

So last night I was talking to a friend and mentioned that another friend we have in common is having a birthday tomorrow. So she says "oh really, so and so's birthday is June 19th." Why is this weird habit engrained in everyone's brain. I'm guilty of this myself. Any time that someone is discussing birth dates, the person they are telling is compelled to say who they know with the same birth date or any other birthday that month. How did this happen in our evolution and why don't we have control over it? Can anyone explain this to me?

Yeah, my birthday is tomorrow.

No way! My sister's birthday is Friday.

So weird.

Life-sucking Dwell

This is how I feel about my company/current career. It is a life sucking dwell.

Here is my day:

• I wake up around 5-5:30 and physically force myself to get out of bed
• take a shower
• put on suits that I hate to wear
• get in my car, which lacks any sort of balance between sport and comfort
• sit in traffic
• park
• walk into a building that I hate going to
• sit in my office all day staring at my computer screen and spend the entire day doing work that is so unbelievably pointless that I can't even believe it is a career
• sit in traffic some more
• go to the gym (if I go), which I also hate
• go home
• cook dinner
• clean up
• do more work that I hate
• go to bed
• repeat

This is my life. While I have left out some of the things that actually make me happy, like seeing my husband, in a nutshell, that is my existence. I'm sure it is not unlike many other people's lives in this area. I don't think that I'm so unique or interesting, however, it just makes me wonder why it is that people are willing to continue to be miserable and do this until they retire or die.

Why do we feel like we have to kill ourselves 90% of the time, so that we can spend 10% of our time doing something we actually enjoy?

This cannot possibly be all there is to life.

Bathrooms at Work

So, I work in a "professional" setting. The sterotypical corporate environment. However, for some reason when you go into the bathrooms, it is straight up bar.

As the day progresses, they get progressively more disgusting. I drink a few liters of water a day, so I use the restroom frequently. I typically start at the first stall and have to move through them for the rest of the day to find one that is tolerable. Tolerable means that I will put down the seat cover and still hover over that because of my toilet issues in general. I don't sit on toilets that I did not clean. Not even my moms.

Anyway, by mid-morning, most of the stalls are disgusting. I mean, pee on the seats and floor. Unflushed exploding ass syndrome daily in stall two. Tampons floating. I've seen blood on the seats. You get the idea. They are horrifying. The thing that is so ridiculous, is that this is a floor full of seemingly intelligent women. I'm assuming they don't treat their bathrooms at home in this manner. Maybe they do, I don't know. Anyway, it is so gross.

The thing that bothers me the most is the unbelievable amount of pubic hair on the seats. I am so disturbed by this. What is with the 70s style jungle bush?? I know that we are all extremely busy, however, that length is just uncalled for. I just can't wrap my mind around it.

Update: I have included a photograph. This is stall 4. It has looked like this for three days straight. You can't tell me that the person who did this did not know they did it. I'm also sure that they've returned back to see that their business is still there. Also, what is up with the people who clean? How about flush and clean the toilet? Someone has obviously raised the seat. No idea why.

Allergy Doctor

So, I go into my allergy doctor to get my shots, which I do every week. I have been doing this since I was about 8, so this is pretty routine. I typically stop there on my way home from the office, where I am required to wear a suit. I have been wearing a suit pretty much every week for the entire time that I've been a patient in their office. However, on this particular week, the nurses decide to comment. The same nurse is always there, I will refer to her as "nice nurse". Then there is another nurse each week, which is a rotation of two or three different nurses. I dislike two of them. The nurse that was there on this particular day with nice nurse, I'll refer to as "fat nurse."

So, I go into the office and sign in. That particular day, I had had yet another miserable day at the office. It was near 100 degrees again that day, so it is no shock that I was not in a pleasant mood. As I'm signing in, nice nurse says "is it hot out there" and I just look at her and say "uhh ya." So the conversation goes like this...

Fat Nurse: Why would you wear a dark suit on a hot day like this?

Me: (Thinking) Yeah, I woke up this morning and thought, man what can I do to make my day even more miserable than it already is?? Hmmm....I know, I'll wear a dark brown suit when it is 100 degrees. I LOVE wearing suits. Suits are awesome! I wish I could wear suits to bed and on the weekends too.
(Saying in annoying tone) Well if I had my choice I wouldn't be wearing a suit at all.

Fat Nurse: Well, you could at least wear a spring or summer suit, you don't have to wear a dark one.

Me: Well, if I really gave a shit about my job or how I looked at it, I might care about spending even more money on more suits to have more seasonal options.

Fat Nurse: It isn't about caring about your job, you should care more about yourself than that.

Me: (Thinking) Yes, because wearing a suit to a job I hate is the same thing as not caring about myself. Are you sure you aren't a therapist?)
(Saying) Well, I sit in a freezing cold room by myself and stare at a computer screen for 12 hours a day. I don't think the computer cares what color suit I'm wearing. Why would I want to waste a couple hundred dollars for something I can't stand when I could use that money for something else I might actually enjoy?

Fat Nurse: Sounds like you need to get a new job.

Me: (Thinking) WOW, I never thought of that! You are a fucking genius!
(Saying) Well, there is this whole thing where you have a decent salary, you want to keep making one. So, you become a sell out so you can pay for your ridiculous 3300/month payment for a freaking townhouse that has lost 50K in value since you bought it. So I guess you just figure it is a means to an end and suck it up until you are motivated to do something else.

Fat Nurse: At this point she seems to be sensing that I might slap her.... Well, maybe you can go back to school to do something else.

Me: Well, since I already have a degree and two differen't master's degrees, I don't think I'm doing that anytime soon and I'm on career change #5. So, maybe I just need to revisit this whole "work" thing in general and until then I'm going to keep wearing my shitty standard dark suit corporate whorewear and head to my job that I hate every day so that I can pay my bills.

Fat Nurse: Changes subject and starts talking to nice nurse.

I think when I go back to get my shot next week, I'm going to put on a turtleneck under a black suit to wear in.